New Book Project: 28 Days of Love…

What is self-love?

I believe self-love is not a fluffy concept to promote narcissistic or selfish behavior. However, self-love is the medicinal antidote to healing our feelings of low self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem. It allows us to dive into our internal wounds to bring ourselves back to wholeness.

My Journey…

In 2011, my life was at a crossroads. I found myself searching for worthiness, love, and confidence. After enduring multiple hardships and tragedies, I knew something needed to change. And the change that I needed was love. 

As I began this self-love journey, it became a sustaining root to heal my inner traumas and wounds. And now, I am sharing my journey in this 28-day transformative book.

What is the significance of the title?

28 Days of Love: A Self-Love Journey idea began in February 2011 when I celebrated love for the whole month instead of limiting it to one day. Now, this personal tradition is something I do for myself and my daughter every year. 

When will the book be available for purchase?

Available Now: https://tinyurl.com/2p9f956a

Where will I be able to buy it?

You will be able to purchase this book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and everywhere books are sold. You will also be able to purchase a copy on my blog and other personal sites.

Will you have any book signings and where?

At a later date this information will be announced.

Trust Your Dopeness

The essential thing I have learned in my life is when a person is insecure, they will use words of discouragement to tear down your confidence. When I wasn’t aware of my dopeness, I would minimize my greatness to make others feel more important, but deep inside, I was suffering. My suffering led to people-pleasing, self-sabotage, and not feeling worthy or enough.

When I began to cultivate self-worth, let go of self-sabotaging behaviors and flow into a self-confident version of myself, others became threatened. I was no longer dimming my light for them to feel better about themselves. I decided to love myself, face my inner issues and let go of my insecurities.  

However, I believe we all have to face the ugly mask of insecurity in our lives, but when these inner issues are unchecked, it creates self-misery. I have learned over the last year that insecure women are fixated on being accepted and validated by others. Their greatest fear is not being liked, so they migrate to the people-pleasing lane, and when another woman radiates confidence, she will spew words of hate to disempower another woman.

Although friendships have withered away, I understand that losing myself is no longer an option. Trusting your dopeness means walking in your confidence and being unapologetic about who you are.

Here are a couple ways you can embrace being “that girl” and exercise your dopeness.

1. Be Authentic: Know who you are, walk in your power and maximize your voice.
2. Be Unapologetic: God created you to be the best verison of yourself even when others don’t embrace you.
3.  Be Around People Who Want To See You Win: When you are around people who want to see you win then, the conversations are different. Make sure you let go of toxic connections in your life (heal from toxicity).

5 Reasons Why You Are Settling!

I believe there has been times in your life where you settled for less. Settling in any area of your life can be detrimental to your growth. Settling is synonymous to mediocrity and will keep you in a state of stagnancy.

When you begin to gain clarity in your life you will begin to raise the bar. But first it is important that you become  aware of why you have settled for less. Below are five reasons to help you understand why you are settling for less in your life .

1) Fear. Many times we settle for less because of fear. We fear the unknown so we choose to stay in our comfort zone. However, nothing extraordinary ever grows from a comfort zone. So, it is important to let the fear go and launch out into the unknown. Life happens outside your comfort zone.

2) Uncertainty. Another reason we settle for less than we deserve is because we are unsure about what we want. If you are struggling with knowing what you want in your life it may be time to explore life. Exploring life will help you discover the things you may want in your life. When you go through a period of self-discovery it will expose you to the world. Each life experience we help you gain clarity on the  life you truly want to live.

3) Impatience. When you are impatient it can make you miss out on your greatest life. Many people settle for less because they are too impatient to wait for what they really want in life. When you wait patiently for what you really want you alleviate  unnecessary stress. So, wait patiently for what you want!

4) Not Knowing Your Worth. If you do not know your worth you will settle for the wrong things. If you do not spend time to build your self-worth, self-love, self-confidence and self-esteem you will discount your worth. I have learned in my life that people will treat you how you treat yourself. It is important to nurture love and confidence within yourself so you can recognize your worth.

5) Mediocrity. The last reason we settle in life because we become okay with mediocrity. We become comfortable with just existing instead of living a life to our fullest potential. Mediocrity keeps you stagnant and it creates procrastination.  You will never be fulfilled with a mediocre life. So, let go of mediocrity so you can grab hold to an extraordinary life.

Action Tip: This week take some time to focus on how you can stop settling in your life by putting one of the five reasons into practice.

In the comments below share with me the reasons you have settled for less in your life. 

Show Up For Yourself

The greatest feeling on Earth is making a promise to yourself and being adamant about showing up for yourself. It is never good to make promises to everyone else yet, break the promises you make to yourself. I have experienced so much in my 38 years on Earth but the biggest lesson I have learned is to show up for myself.

I remember how I  would constantly break commitments to myself. I became sick and tired of putting myself, my ideas and my desires on the back burner. I treated myself like a welcome mat and things had to change. I had to dig deep within to work on my personal issues. I didn’t want to feel like the piece of yucky gum stuck on the bottom of everyone’s shoe anymore. I wanted to be the Louboutin!

In order to be the Louboutin I had to level up and work on my inner issues. I had to learn how to love, respect, honor and appreciate myself. In my journey I gained self-confidence and self-worth. Everyday, I have to be intentional about showing up for myself. I have learned that being intentional creates transformation in your life.

So, I encourage you today to get rid of your flip-flop mentality for your life and embrace the Louboutin way of life!

How will you start showing up for yourself today? Share your answers in the comment section…..

Believe In Yourself!

I am often reminded of a powerful quote by Marianne Williamson (from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles) that says: 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

After reading this quote I realize their is power in believing in yourself. When you hear people say believe in yourself what comes to your mind? Well, when I think of this term I am reminded how important it is to have faith. Faith is essential in the process of believing in yourself & your greatness. Often we battle with insecurities and achieving great success because we do not have a belief in who & what we are. Self doubt causes us to believe we are inadequate which launches the path to fear. When fear is activated it stifles our growth and creativity. 

However, when you do not allow fear to override your faith great things begin to happen. One of the things that begin to manifest is your confidence is increased. The second thing is it teaches you not to give up on your dreams no matter how long it takes. Lastly, giving up is never an option when you allow faith to conquer the fear of your belief.

Below are 3 steps you can take to believe in yourself:

1) Faith It To You Make It! 

In Hebrews 11: 1 in the bible it says, “Now faith is the substance for things hoped for the evidence of things not seen” which literally means what you cannot see(unexpected outcome you cannot visualize). If you begin to have faith in yourself & believe in your success then it can be accomplished. Put faith in practice! 

2) Get Turnt Up! 

In today’s millennial world we are endlessly unhappy about everything instead of being grateful for all things. If you learn to be grateful for all that you are then you can appreciate yourself. The best way to appreciate yourself is by celebrating all that you are. If you wait on others you will be disappointed so “get turnt up” on who you are!  

3) Walk It Out!

The road is long to any journey but as you are on your journey of self-discovery & increasing your self esteem remember to take the time to pause. Rome was not built in a day so as you walk out your fear, anxiety or frustrations just remember you are an imperfect masterpiece! 

So take the time to believe in all that you were created to be…..Simply Believe In Yourself!

Beauty Has No Face!

In a society where we place a shape, color, size, and name to beauty it has distorted the self-esteem of many women in the world. As I become more of an ambassador for my own personal beauty I realize beauty does not have a specific appearance. Beauty has to be defined on our own terms not by the majority in America. When I think of beauty I began to think of the eclectic style of Erkyah Badu, Solange Knowles and Rihanna . These women have set their own standard of what beauty feels like and look like to them. It feels amazing to go through a journey to find what fits me as a woman because in this journey I am finding my beauty. Many African American girls struggle with the idea that their dark skin, dark hair is not beautiful because they are faced with the idea that pale skin and blue eyes are the ideal beauty. White women struggle with the illusion of being curvy is considered to be fat when curves are the epitome of womanhood, the gratitude of beauty.

Beauty has no name, shape, size, color or texture however it is the hidden secret of what a woman holds inside. When we can tap into our own inner beauty then we can unlock a glow that can radiant externally. I look at women such as Lupita Nygon’o who has been such an inspiration for women of color because she has broken the barriers of what beauty could be if we look beyond the surface. We are raised in a society where it is encouraged to change the way we look to be accepted by the world but God created us in his image; perfect. In the May issue of Essence Magazine Solange Knowles stated, “As women we have the choice of how we want to look and how we want to feel and that’s the beauty of being a woman.” We should not allow society to have a voice on how we look, feel or define our beauty. Many women deal with low self-esteem because what they see in magazines. However, Beyonce Knowles song Pretty Hurts discuss the standards society places on our beauty but we have to be willing to understand beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. It is time for us to look in the mirror and remove the mask of the wrong self-image of who we are to kindly replace it with an image of how we define beauty. Beauty has no face it is truly established by what we say, see and speak about ourselves. Let us strive to replace our negative views with positive affirmations of our own personal beauty because in the end beauty truly has no face!

Reference:

Essence Magazine May Issue

Picture reference: www.searchquotes.com