I believe self-love is not a fluffy concept to promote narcissistic or selfish behavior. However, self-love is the medicinal antidote to healing our feelings of low self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem. It allows us to dive into our internal wounds to bring ourselves back to wholeness.
In 2011, my life was at a crossroads. I found myself searching for worthiness, love, and confidence. After enduring multiple hardships and tragedies, I knew something needed to change. And the change that I needed was love.
As I began this self-love journey, it became a sustaining root to heal my inner traumas and wounds. And now, I am sharing my journey in this 28-day transformative book.
What is the significance of the title?
28 Days of Love: A Self-Love Journey idea began in February 2011 when I celebrated love for the whole month instead of limiting it to one day. Now, this personal tradition is something I do for myself and my daughter every year.
Winter solstice is when the days are shorter, darkness settles on the Earth, the weather seems colder, and hibernation is ideal. However, the winter can be a time of rest, stillness, and reflection.
I remember growing up in Detroit, Michigan, where winter lasts longer than any other season. I vowed never to live somewhere that winter existed. And so I kept that promise to myself, finding myself running away from the brutal cold. But upon relocating to Virginia at the beginning of this year, I realized it was time to confront my resentment of winter.
Whether hot, cold, or warm, every season has a specific time. I knew that as much as I loathed winter, it was time to embrace its significant role in my life.
Through my self-discovery, I learn winter is a time when I can slow down, meditate and reflect on my growth. With the end of 2022, I’m deciding to celebrate the onset of winter and not travel for the holidays. I decided to go into 2023 refresh, free and focused.
Over the years, I spent so much time on autopilot throughout the year, barely taking time to pause. But the older I get I want more moments of reflection. The winter solstice can give you time to prepare for the upcoming year in a calm, relaxing, and rejuvenating way.
So before you take a resentful path towards winter, figure out how to use this time to refocus and plan for your 2023.
Consumption has been at an all-time high in America, where the temptation to do more, buy more & work harder is encouraged. No matter where we go, we are consumed with technology, marketing & so much more.
Recently, I decided to reassess how much I’m consuming and how intentional I am at creating things in my life. I discovered that I’ve been spending too much time-consuming. So I decided to monitor what I’m consuming & see where I can create more.
As I monitor my consumption, I understand why my creativity is stagnant, especially in producing my next book project.
Creativity is the gatekeeper of helping our imagination evolve. Without time to nourish creativity, we become stagnant in our mindset. We begin to lose the joy of reigniting our childlike nature.
So what can we do to create more & consume less?
The first step is to be aware of what you are consuming, why you are consuming & it is hindering or helping you. Consumption in moderation is vital.
The second step is to figure out why you avoid nourishing your creativity. I realized avoidance of what you need to do leads to mindless consumption. Avoiding what needs to be done is easier than confronting the root of the problem.
The third step is to set boundaries and time management around how much you consume through shopping, social media, or being connected to technology. It is okay to detox and disconnect from information overload.
After completing these steps you can begin to start making space for your creativity. Overall, creating is about enjoyment, connection, letting things flow and allowing yourself to have space to implement things that bring you joy.
Have you ever been disappointed or felt like what you desired and what you got were out of sync?
I am sure we all have faced the reality of disappointment at one time or another in our lives. We may have been disappointed by the people, places, and expectations we set for our lives. However, I have realized that disappointments are a part of life, and instead of allowing them to make me bitter, angry, or fear the unknown, I have the power to let the disappointments of life lead me to the life of my dreams.
Disappointment has been a big part of my life. It started when I decided to leave home and venture into adulthood. My first encounter with disappointment started in my 20s with romantic relationships and friendships. I desperately wanted a man to love, appreciate and find me worthy, but I didn’t realize this experience was a massive disappointment because I didn’t require this of myself. Then the next uncomfortable moment of my life was learning the art of female friendships. I was tired of insecure women trying to compete; instead, I desired friends who wanted to celebrate, encourage and collaborate. However, when I started to set boundaries and work on my self-worth, I knew it was bringing me closer to my authenticity.
The most challenging chapter of disappointment I endured was when my two-year-old daughter died. I stopped believing in life’s whimsical, romantic things and allowed bitterness to create a prison of fear and hopelessness. But after all I endured, I had the right to feel disappointed by people, society, and everything at that time.
So you may wonder, what did I do to let disappointment become a motivation to help me embrace a life of adventure?
I decided to let it help me identify things I didn’t want in my life and start spending more time focusing on what I wanted in my life and making a plan to pursue those desires. I believe we spend so much time on our disappointments, creating stagnancy and hopelessness. As adults, we lose our childlike imagination and joy of living life whimsically. You have the creative ability to let every disappointment lead you to the adventure your life deserves.
Before you can understand how beautiful, complex and intricate you are first you have to break open all those lies you have believed about yourself.
When was the last time you believed positive things about yourself and had someone affirm those positive things?
Lately, I have been reflecting on the painful words people spoke about me. And the saddest part is I started to believe the lies about how other people saw me. I began to see myself in the image of others’ opinions, manipulative comments, and misconceptions.
However, I realized it was generating self-hate. I began to believe that I was not enough or not worthy of good things. I was starting to settle for friendships, relationships, and living a life beneath my standards.
Recently, I had an epiphany about how I was not seeing myself in a clear light, the way God saw me, and the person I am. I knew it was time to let go of the lies, toxic thoughts, and self-hate. Before starting this royal process, I knew digging up unhealthy beliefs was the first step to seeing my royal image.
Before starting your royal journey, here are a few things to start your process.
Write a list of ten negative things people have said about you and circle all the ones you start to believe about yourself.
Now make a list of ten good things you think about yourself.
Ask this question: Are the adverse/toxic people still in your life who said negative things? If so, then why are they in your life? (journal your answer)
Another question: How can you disconnect from people who make you feel bad about yourself? (journal your answer)
Ways you can rebuild your self-confidence/self-esteem & self-image:
Personal Development (books, find supportive communities, join memberships/clubs that foster your enjoyment & passions)
If so, maybe it is time to revive your mind, body, and soul. Often we let days, months, and years pass before we decide to reconnect with our inner being. And we find ourselves out of alignment after feeling the pangs of overwhelm, stress, or burnout. Life can feel rough, leading to dead ends and taking us off the path we desire to go. However, reconnecting to the spirit within can lead us to a road of fulfillment to get back on track.
In the last five months, my life has felt out of balance. Somewhere between relocating, dealing with unnecessary drama, and settling in a new place has made me feel abnormal. However, last week was the first time I felt like my life was taking a turn in a positive direction. The positive direction was a sign of everything calming down in my life. And I began to realize how reestablishing self-care routines, spending alone time, and creating a schedule for well-being is vital.
When we take a daily inventory of our emotions, we will bring awareness back to ourselves—spending more time reconnecting and disconnecting from things that disrupt us from living a well-balanced life.
Below are three powerful ways you get back in alignment, find fulfullment and honor your soul within.
Put Yourself First. This new self-care movement has everyone finding ways to fill up their cup, but surface self-care isn’t enough. When you are intentional about asking specific questions to gain clarity, you will find that putting your needs (mental, emotional, spiritual, etc.) first will assist in moving in the direction of alignment.
Go M.I.A. It is okay to disappear and not feel like you need to be in the midst of everything. When you take the time to regroup, it allows you to see things from a better perspective.
Slow Down. When our life is disoriented taking time to slow down can guide us back to our place of fulfillment.
If you desire to reconnect with your mind, body & soul check out myfree ebookon creating a self-care plan.
The words vibe, energy, and spirit are synonymous terms used to describe our inner being. Our internal self is comprised of our heart, spirit and soul. It is vital to create our inner being to attract the things meant for us. However, many of us look externally to get the things we need, whether trying to find happiness, love, acceptance, and peace in a person, place, or thing. We set ourselves up for mental and emotional disaster when we seek outside validation.
The world we live in glorifies the external successes, gains, and materials, but inside, we may fail to love ourselves, accept, and feel worthy. I have learned throughout my life that nothing externally can fulfill me until I look within myself. Yes, we all look for external validation from other’s to feel accepted, but immense acceptance is loving yourself and the life you create. This year I have concluded that liking myself and loving what I do is the ultimate success; everyone else enjoying my presence is a bonus. I have become comfortable with accepting others’ rejection of me. Overall, self-acceptance is a goal that we all should strive for to perfect within ourselves.
Below are three ways to help you vibrate higher to attract the people, places, and things you desire in your life by healing internally.
It AllStarts With You. When we work on ourselves we become in tune with what changes can be made.
Implement New Things. Surround yourself with new people and environments to match you spiritually as well as energetically. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Give Yourself & Others Space. In life, we will outgrow others, and they will outgrow us. When we give ourselves the space and grace to let go of people who have expired in our lives, we make room for new opportunities.
Spring is the perfect time to take inventory and declutter your life. However, we often limit spring cleaning to our home and disregard utilizing the same methods to spring clean our mind, body, and soul. Lately, I realize how important it is to declutter my emotions, plug into a healthy emotional state, and let go of the toxicity.
The last couple of months of my life has been emotionally draining, and I’m ready to take my power back. I spent the last three months living with someone during my relocation journey, which affected my emotional state. When you are unaware of others’ toxic behaviors, it can cause emotional distress. Emotional distress can cause anxiety, depression, sleep deprivation, and much more. It is vital to take inventory of how you feel, identify your feelings, and find solutions to foster emotional well-being.
Emotional self-care sets the foundation for handling your mental capacity to deal with daily challenges in life. I decided to implement self-love, self-compassion, and self-kindness as essential points to overcome emotional meltdowns. Overall, taking care of yourself should always be on your daily agenda.
Below are a couple of ways to spring clean your emotions to relinquish the unhealthy emotional roller coasters in your life.
Identify how you feel. When you are honest about how you feel you will be able to work through every emotion even the uncomfortable ones. (Journal how you feel about an issue or situation and list the emotions that resonate with you.)
Treat yourself with kindness. It is vital to not to judge how you feel but be kind to yourself & give yourself time to process each emotion.
Release the emotional baggage. After you go through your process take time to let go of the toxic people, things & environment that contribute to your emotional roller-coaster.
Everyone wants to be happy, yet they find themselves aimlessly looking for happiness. Happiness is not attached to a specific person, place, or thing, but lasting joy is in your daily choices. Happiness is not attached to a specific person, place, or thing, but lasting happiness is a daily choice that is made.
In the last four months of last year, I spent my life jumping the broom of my comfort zone & skydiving into living a life that made me happy, and the results have been inspiring. I spent thirteen years suppressing my happiness and living in a place I didn’t enjoy. Once my daughter graduated in 2020, I felt like my life was at a crossroads.
So at the end of Sept 2021, I decided to sell my home, take a 4-month road trip with my daughter, and live vicariously. And now I can honestly say I found the me that was lost behind grief, anger, and feelings of unworthiness. As I began my journey of inner fulfillment, I have learned that my choices are not contingent on others’ opinions but on godly guidance and personal desires.
Once you identify a clearer picture of your life’s happiness, then you can reevaluate the path you wish to take to obtain a joyful life. I have become a firm believer that everyone deserves to live a life filled with possibilities, exciting expectations, and opportunities. People who fear living a life true to their happiness will fall into following the crowd.
Below are a few tips to help you unlock the door to your happiness on your terms!
Tip #1: Define your life happiness. Everyone has their own visual perception of what life they desire to live. Make sure you visualize the life you want and then take time to define your life’s happiness.
Tip#2: Reevaluate your environment: Your environment plays a significant role in how your happiness will be destructive or constructive. If your environment drains your joy, it may be time to relocate.
Tip#3: Reevaluate the people: In your journey, you have to be willing to subtract people who put strain or stress on your positive development. It is not meant to allow everyone in your space. When you remove relationships that are not conducive to your growth, it helps you move in the direction of happiness quicker.
Tip#4: Exist outside your comfort zone: Nothing great can ever be developed in your comfort zone. Be willing to take chances and risk to stretch yourself. You never know what could make you happy if you are never willing to give it a try.
Tip 5# Take back your key & open the door. Do not let anyone disturb your peace or steal your joy. When you allow other’s indirect or direct behaviors to influence your happiness, you subconsciously give them the key. Your life happiness should not be contingent on what people do or do not do for you.
Be bold enough to take back the key & unlock the door to your happiness!