Celebrating Winter Solstice

Winter solstice is when the days are shorter, darkness settles on the Earth, the weather seems colder, and hibernation is ideal. However, the winter can be a time of rest, stillness, and reflection.

I remember growing up in Detroit, Michigan, where winter lasts longer than any other season. I vowed never to live somewhere that winter existed. And so I kept that promise to myself, finding myself running away from the brutal cold. But upon relocating to Virginia at the beginning of this year, I realized it was time to confront my resentment of winter.

Whether hot, cold, or warm, every season has a specific time. I knew that as much as I loathed winter, it was time to embrace its significant role in my life.

Through my self-discovery, I learn winter is a time when I can slow down, meditate and reflect on my growth. With the end of 2022, I’m deciding to celebrate the onset of winter and not travel for the holidays. I decided to go into 2023 refresh, free and focused.

Over the years, I spent so much time on autopilot throughout the year, barely taking time to pause. But the older I get I want more moments of reflection. The winter solstice can give you time to prepare for the upcoming year in a calm, relaxing, and rejuvenating way.

So before you take a resentful path towards winter, figure out how to use this time to refocus and plan for your 2023.

Disappointments Can Lead To Adventure….

Have you ever been disappointed or felt like what you desired and what you got were out of sync? 

I am sure we all have faced the reality of disappointment at one time or another in our lives. We may have been disappointed by the people, places, and expectations we set for our lives. However, I have realized that disappointments are a part of life, and instead of allowing them to make me bitter, angry, or fear the unknown, I have the power to let the disappointments of life lead me to the life of my dreams.

Disappointment has been a big part of my life. It started when I decided to leave home and venture into adulthood. My first encounter with disappointment started in my 20s with romantic relationships and friendships. I desperately wanted a man to love, appreciate and find me worthy, but I didn’t realize this experience was a massive disappointment because I didn’t require this of myself. Then the next uncomfortable moment of my life was learning the art of female friendships. I was tired of insecure women trying to compete; instead, I desired friends who wanted to celebrate, encourage and collaborate. However, when I started to set boundaries and work on my self-worth, I knew it was bringing me closer to my authenticity.

The most challenging chapter of disappointment I endured was when my two-year-old daughter died. I stopped believing in life’s whimsical, romantic things and allowed bitterness to create a prison of fear and hopelessness. But after all I endured, I had the right to feel disappointed by people, society, and everything at that time. 

So you may wonder, what did I do to let disappointment become a motivation to help me embrace a life of adventure? 

I decided to let it help me identify things I didn’t want in my life and start spending more time focusing on what I wanted in my life and making a plan to pursue those desires. I believe we spend so much time on our disappointments, creating stagnancy and hopelessness. As adults, we lose our childlike imagination and joy of living life whimsically. You have the creative ability to let every disappointment lead you to the adventure your life deserves.

Trust Your Dopeness

The essential thing I have learned in my life is when a person is insecure, they will use words of discouragement to tear down your confidence. When I wasn’t aware of my dopeness, I would minimize my greatness to make others feel more important, but deep inside, I was suffering. My suffering led to people-pleasing, self-sabotage, and not feeling worthy or enough.

When I began to cultivate self-worth, let go of self-sabotaging behaviors and flow into a self-confident version of myself, others became threatened. I was no longer dimming my light for them to feel better about themselves. I decided to love myself, face my inner issues and let go of my insecurities.  

However, I believe we all have to face the ugly mask of insecurity in our lives, but when these inner issues are unchecked, it creates self-misery. I have learned over the last year that insecure women are fixated on being accepted and validated by others. Their greatest fear is not being liked, so they migrate to the people-pleasing lane, and when another woman radiates confidence, she will spew words of hate to disempower another woman.

Although friendships have withered away, I understand that losing myself is no longer an option. Trusting your dopeness means walking in your confidence and being unapologetic about who you are.

Here are a couple ways you can embrace being “that girl” and exercise your dopeness.

1. Be Authentic: Know who you are, walk in your power and maximize your voice.
2. Be Unapologetic: God created you to be the best verison of yourself even when others don’t embrace you.
3.  Be Around People Who Want To See You Win: When you are around people who want to see you win then, the conversations are different. Make sure you let go of toxic connections in your life (heal from toxicity).

Living A Soft Luxurious Life

Access this podcast episode here: https://tinyurl.com/45pef69b

It is never easy to have a life filled with challenges, losses, and heartbreak. However, you get to decide how you want your life to be and feel each day. Each moment, you have to be willing to let go of the past and create a future that aligns with the person you desire to be. And who you choose to be is specifically up to what you are willing to invest in yourself.

Thirteen years ago, my life was on a rollercoaster of ups and downs where feeling vibrant and happy was buried underneath heaviness. The heaviness came from the death of losing my two-year-old daughter, losing friendships, and eventually not recognizing myself. Despite the struggles, I knew I had a choice to allow the pain to define me or find joy in the pain. After different processes and inner healing, I decided to let go of the struggle and embrace ease amid challenges.

We know that life doesn’t always look or feel like a wonderland, but a life of luxury can happen if we implement moments of pleasure and ease. If you look up the word luxury, it is defined as the state of great comfort and extravagant living. How can you live comfortably or extravagantly when things are falling apart? First, you have to be willing to change your perspective and give up the concept that struggling is a way of life.

Lately, I have been researching a “soft” life movement. According to the urban dictionary, a soft life is making stress-free decisions and choices that will align with your peace of mind. And now is the time to embrace the luxury of a gentler life even when challenges arise. 

Here are a couple of ways to live a soft luxurious life without breaking the bank.

1. Create Luxurious Moments.

Every day, add a little luxury to your day:

• Reading your favorite book for fifteen minutes
• Taking a short walk in nature
• Sitting in complete silence

Luxury is a state of mind, not money.

2. Prioritize Your Peace. Make up in your mind that your peace is non-negotiable and eliminate anything that disturbs your peace (people & environments).

3. Embrace Ease. Everything doesn’t have to be complicated or a struggle, so make better decisions that will help you save time and money and be at peace.

4. Flow Into Your Feminine Energy. It is essential to tap into the power that your feminine essence holds, whether slowing down, listening to music, or creating movement in your body; these things will help you become rooted in your feminine power.

5. Release The Past & Embrace The Future. Be willing to let go of the past version of yourself to tap into your future self.

Elevating Through The Growing Pains

Access this podcast episode here: https://tinyurl.com/k6wtbh9w

It never feels good to feel discomfort, uneasiness or being out of your comfort zone; however, to soar to new levels in your life, you have to be willing to trek through the growing pains. Growing pains often stretch your capacity, build character and force you to face the uncomfortable. The biggest lesson I have learned is that growing pains is vital to your evolution. For example, I decided to stay with a friend after relocating, but the transition was challenging because my daughter and I gave up our privacy and personal space. And it was eye-opening because it revealed why living with friends can sometimes create pressure within the relationship. Overall, the journey made us stronger, wiser, and better along the way.

When life is challenging, it causes us to grow to a deeper level in our lives. We are encouraged to become a better version of ourselves. I believe growth happens when we take a leap of faith and decide to leave our comfort zones. Although my journey has come with stress, wins, and aha moments, I realize I would not be where I am today. Growing pains are never easy, but they are worth the evolution you experience mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Below are some tips you can apply to help you use your life challenges as stepping stones to an upgraded and elevated life.

1. Be kind to yourself during the process. Sometimes the way we desire our life to transpire isn’t the way we experience it, so it is essential to be kind to yourself when life is not kind to you.
2. Have Faith. Faith is having an unshakable trust and confidence in the intangible. When you exercise you faith in adverse situations it gives you the strength to move forward even when it is hard.
3. Be better, not bitter. It is easy to be upset when people, things & circumstances are against you, but it is better to take every bad life experience as a lesson to create a more assertive character within yourself.
4. Detach Yourself. Sometimes we have to remove ourselves from people, environments, and situations that stunt our growth, contaminate our peace of mind, and violate our mental health. Detachment is a form of self-love.
5. Evolve to Elevate. To upgrade your life, you have to be willing to evolve through all the hurt, pain, and joy that motivates you to become an extraordinary version of yourself.

Be Okay With Uncertainty…

Access podcast episode here: https://tinyurl.com/yu9ufz57

The beauty about uncertainty is no matter how well we plan, there will always be question marks on how the journey will unfold. Sometimes we allow the fear of the unknown to keep us from pursuing our dreams and the life we constantly desired to live. However, if we focus on the journey instead of the destination, we will realize that embracing the hidden parts will help us accept life’s adventures.

Currently, I am going through an unfamiliar phase in my life, and it has taught me how to embrace the unknown. Sometimes we feel as if we need to know how everything will turn out, but in reality, we have no idea how life will unfold.

As I go through this new normal many emotions, appear from happiness, fear, excitement, and anxiety. However, I am enjoying this unpredictable place because it has given me confidence, courage, and resilience to move forward. I am self-assured that the answers will come, and everything will fall into place.

I have learn no matter how many plans you make, life will teach you how to be flexible. The flexibility provides an atmosphere of freedom but it can make you feel powerless. We fear the unknown because it forces us out of our comfort zone. And significant changes happen when we are in unfamiliar territory. When you can embrace the uncertainty, then you will encounter countless adventures in your life. 

Here are three ways to embrace uncertainty:

1. Make plans but be flexible. 

2. Let go of the need to have all the answers. Life is an adventure when you are open to the flow & knowing everything will work out.

3. Don’t settle. A lot of people settle for the familiar because they are not willing to be uncomfortable. However, if you desire to live your dream life taking risk are a prerequisite.

Pursuing Your Dream

 

How many times have you looked at your life and realize you are not living the life you desire? Did someone tell you that your dream was unattainable? Or did you let society dictate to you what was more important in your life?

When we are children, we believe we can be anything we desire to be in life. No matter how ridiculous our dreams may seem, as a child, we believe in our thoughts. As we shift into the teenage years, we start to let society dictate to us which journey will be profitable. We begin to focus on reality instead of the desire of our dreams.

The child inside of us starts to disappear because reality becomes more important than our childhood dreams. Our lives no longer hold enthusiasm or passion; instead, our adulthood has made us apathetic. We begin to forget about the vision we had to live a life full of wonder, passion, and excitement. Our dreams have become faint whispers needing a fresh breath. What can we do to resuscitate our passion for pursuing our dreams?

• The first step to pursuing your dream is to reconnect with your childhood dreams. When I was young, I enjoyed writing, and I remember my Uncle Dave would always tell me I was going to be a famous writer. I remember in 2003 while living in Sicily, my love for writing reignited when I read Maya Angelou’s poem “Phenomenal Woman” for open mic night. Four years later, I published my first poetry book. The little girl on the inside of me reconnected back with my lifelong dream to become a writer. It was up to me to answer the call!
• The second step is to write a list of the the things that stopped you from pursuing your dreams. After you recognize the roadblocks begin to write a list of possibilities of following your dreams. (For example: Roadblock: I stopped pursuing my dream of painting because I didn’t think I was a great artist. Possibility: I can start taking art classes at a local gallery to brush up on my artistic skills.)
• The last step is to surround yourself around people who are living your dream. When you surround yourself around like-minded people you are building a community of support. When you have a support system it fosters a life filled with enjoyment, creativity and success.

So pursue the life you desire instead of burying your dreams. Dreams are meant to be lived out loud!!!

The Art of Being Fear-less!

Can you really be fearless? Is this concept even possible? In a world that profit off our fears, how can we FEAR-LESS!

One time in your life, you have struggled with or struggle with fear. Fear is something that paralyzes us from living our best life. For the past twelve years of my life, fear was my best friend. I often embraced it to stay mediocre, lingering in my comfort zone. I knew nothing unusual grew out of my comfort zone, but it was comfortable.

I allowed fear to keep me from making decisions because I was scared I would make the wrong ones. However, entertaining fear kept me from living the best versions of my life. I didn’t realize that indecision was a decision I made to live in mediocrity. My fears stemmed from the disappointment of my youngest daughter’s death. I wasn’t living, just existing. But something phenomenal happen, I stopped running from fear and began to face it.

How did I make this shift?

Well, this summer I went home to visit her grave. It was the beginning of self-empowerment, taking my power back and reclaiming my life. When I went to her grave, I no longer felt empty; instead, I felt close to her. For the first time in twelve years, I felt close to her, and this was the beginning of me learning the art of being fearless!

Below are three lessons I have learned on how to fear-less:

• Admit Your Fears. Running away from your fears do not serve you, but, when you admit your fears, God can help you face them. Many times we stay busy to stop us from facing our fears. ( I didn’t want to face my grief, so I stayed busy for the last twelve years). 
• Face Your Fears. When you start to face your fears, you realize that most of the fears you have are not real. F.E.A.R is false evidence appearing to be real. Facing your fears are uncomfortable, but it makes you a stronger person.
• Live Life Abundantly. God wants you to live your life abundantly, but you can’t do that if fear runs your life. You have to be willing to let go of the weight for God to carry the burden.

So, I encourage you if you have lost a loved one in your life take the time to face how you feel so you can heal properly. We all have fears but in order to fear-less we have to face the fears head on!

 

 

3 Simple Ways to Make 2019 Your Best Year…

With the excitement of a new year comes resolutions, goals, and everything under the sun to make 2019 your best year. However, I have three simple ways you can make 2019 a year of ease.

Step 1: Mind Your Own Business.

Life is so much easier when you learn to focus on your own life and tune into the present moment. When you focus on fine-tuning your life, you will find no time to be worried about what others are doing including obsessing on what other people are posting on social media. You will be able to accomplish your goals quicker and see the beauty in your life.

Step 2: Stay on Energy Saving Mode…

So often we are exhausted and burnt out from fighting battles that are not our fight. We spend too much energy overthinking, fearing and obsessing over things that create distress.  We feel the need to give our opinion to every situation just to be consumed with other’s problems. When you preserve your power for the essential things in your life, you will be at peace. Exhaustion, stress, worry, and anxiety will slowly drift aside when you put your emotions on energy saving mode.

Step 3: Don’t Join The Circus….

Every clown or court jester that begs for your attention does not need to be entertain. Two thousand nineteen is not the year to sign up for anyone’s circus of foolery be adamant about setting boundaries and ignoring the distraction. To live your best life in 2019, you will have to learn the power of ignoring things that don’t require your attention.

Comment below and tell me, which step you will focus on this month to make 2019 your best year? 

Self Care Essentials: Finding Your Zen…

“What you seek is seeking you.” ~Rumi

In the last month or so my life has been filled with the unknown, I have found myself looking for answers in this unfamiliar place. However, I have learned the answers lie in between the moments of letting go. This entire year I learned the importance of letting go and detachment from things I can’t control. When I let go there is a moment of peace that comes with detaching myself from the outcome. I have learned to be more in tune with my mind, heart and soul.

These moments of zen have taught me the importance of releasing the struggle and embracing the ease. I have spent my entire life in survival mode, trying to stay afloat so the pressures of life would not overtake me. As I was struggling to stay afloat  I found myself drowning from the pressure of trying to keep it all together. I realize now that this facade kept me from becoming free, free from thriving to my fullest potential.

However, when I decided to stop fighting the flow of life things began to fall into place. I was able see things more clearly and implement self-care into my life. Self-care has taught me how to be present in the moment. It has also taught me how to be still, let go and flow in uncomfortable situations. Self-care has been a great teacher in showing me how to reconnect with my true essence.

So, below I have listed self-care essentials to help you find your zen and tap into the peace of mind you deserve.

1.Tea, Anyone? : Green tea and other teas have been linked to having many health benefits. I often drink tea to calm myself when I feel overwhelmed and full of anxiety. My favorite tea is Yogi Tea, this tea has a variety of teas that you can choose from to suit your needs. I often use the bedtime and ginger tea. Another great benefit is they add inspirational quotes on the tea bag label.

2. Candles: Candles can reduce your stress by adding some aromatherapy to your day. Here is a list of the best organic candles on the market Organic Candles

3. Music: Music is a great way to cultivate some calm in your everyday life. BMG Channel on YouTube is a great channel to listen to it has a variety of music for studying, relaxing etc.

4. Whoosah: Meditation is a great way to bring calm into your mind. The Calm App is an app I have used for years. It has various programs to help you get into your calm.

5. Selah: Taking time to hit pause in your life is a way to stop and listen to your inner self. Pause help you clear the noise, clear the clutter & reconnect with yourself.

So, which self-care essential will you use this holiday season ?, share your thoughts in the comment section!