I believe self-love is not a fluffy concept to promote narcissistic or selfish behavior. However, self-love is the medicinal antidote to healing our feelings of low self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem. It allows us to dive into our internal wounds to bring ourselves back to wholeness.
In 2011, my life was at a crossroads. I found myself searching for worthiness, love, and confidence. After enduring multiple hardships and tragedies, I knew something needed to change. And the change that I needed was love.
As I began this self-love journey, it became a sustaining root to heal my inner traumas and wounds. And now, I am sharing my journey in this 28-day transformative book.
What is the significance of the title?
28 Days of Love: A Self-Love Journey idea began in February 2011 when I celebrated love for the whole month instead of limiting it to one day. Now, this personal tradition is something I do for myself and my daughter every year.
The essential thing I have learned in my life is when a person is insecure, they will use words of discouragement to tear down your confidence. When I wasn’t aware of my dopeness, I would minimize my greatness to make others feel more important, but deep inside, I was suffering. My suffering led to people-pleasing, self-sabotage, and not feeling worthy or enough.
When I began to cultivate self-worth, let go of self-sabotaging behaviors and flow into a self-confident version of myself, others became threatened. I was no longer dimming my light for them to feel better about themselves. I decided to love myself, face my inner issues and let go of my insecurities.
However, I believe we all have to face the ugly mask of insecurity in our lives, but when these inner issues are unchecked, it creates self-misery. I have learned over the last year that insecure women are fixated on being accepted and validated by others. Their greatest fear is not being liked, so they migrate to the people-pleasing lane, and when another woman radiates confidence, she will spew words of hate to disempower another woman.
Although friendships have withered away, I understand that losing myself is no longer an option. Trusting your dopeness means walking in your confidence and being unapologetic about who you are.
Here are a couple ways you can embrace being “that girl” and exercise your dopeness.
Be Authentic: Know who you are, walk in your power and maximize your voice.
Be Unapologetic: God created you to be the best verison of yourself even when others don’t embrace you.
Be Around People Who Want To See You Win: When you are around people who want to see you win then, the conversations are different. Make sure you let go of toxic connections in your life (heal from toxicity).
What do you currently believe about yourself and who you are in this moment? Do you feel like you are lacking in some areas when it comes to your personality?
If you answered YES to any of the above questions, don’t feel ashamed, I think we all believed in the lie of not being enough. The plague of not feeling enough has haunted me throughout my life. I would constantly recycle negative self-talk, abusive words from others, and societal standards. However, as I began to uncover this faulty belief system about myself, I realize the root of it all stemmed from low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and other underlining issues.
In 2011, I went on an inner journey of self-exploration and self-discovery to confront dysfunctional beliefs about myself and my life. And what I found was a wounded young lady who needed to know that her past didn’t define her worth. It has been ten years since the journey has helped me evolve into a confident, self-assured woman where the notion of not being enough is no longer a part of my storyline.
The truth is that we all are enough in this world, and when we start believing in this idea, we can live a more fulfilled life. When you accept the idea that you lack something within, you run the risk of living a suppressed life. With a suppress mindset, we eventually generate the chase concept; you will chase people, dreams, goals, money, success, etc. to feel accepted and validated by external forces.
When you begin to know who you are and your worth, you become a threat to those who lavish in their insecurities. You must confront your insecurities every day (because it is a daily thing). And to be clear, it is okay to have insecurities because they make us imperfect and vulnerable. Insecurities become ugly when we lash out or use hurtful words against others.
Below are three ways you can say bye bye to the belief of not enough.
Let Go. Say Au revoir to anybody or anything that make you feel like you are too much.
Dig Deep. Uncover all the crazy beliefs that has hindered your self-worth story.
Heal. Allow yourself a time to heal from the past of unforgiveness (forgive yourself), trauma and anything that has kept you hostage to the lie of not being enough .
The new year is here, and we all have so many things we want to accomplish; however, 2021 is a year for me to go all-in on what I desire. I often found myself giving one hundred and ten percent to my family, friends, romantic relationships, and career. Yet, I was always short-changing myself when it came to my life aspirations.
I would spend a lot of time doubting my efforts to succeed and found excuses for not living the life I wanted to live. I distracted myself with helping other people accomplish their dreams while I kept putting my life on hold. Overall, I became dissatisfied with the results in my life. And I realize I had to stop sitting on the sidelines wishing things would be different and get the gumption to create the life I believe I deserve.
After 2020 I realize how important it is to take intentional steps to design a life I enjoy. We spend so much of our time making others happy, but we don’t invest the same effort in our happiness. Your life’s joy and fulfillment should always be a priority.
So I decided that this new year is the start of me going all-in and believing in my potential to produce the extraordinary life I was meant to live. When you invest in yourself, the rate of return will always yield success.
Below are three ways you can bet on yourself and increase your self-worth:
Say yes to yourself. Saying yes to yourself is having the courage to design a life that makes you feel good and purposeful (finding purpose in the life you are creating).
Let go of split energy. When you are spreading yourself thin, you produce split energy meaning your actions and words are not congruent. When you commit yourself to everyone else dreams, you self-sabotage your efforts to invest in your own life desires.
Slow Down. When you take a moment to slow down and pace yourself you can get clarity on what direction you want to go. (slow and steady wins the race…..lesson from The Tortoise and The Hare an Aesop Fable)
I believe there has been times in your life where you settled for less. Settling in any area of your life can be detrimental to your growth. Settling is synonymous to mediocrity and will keep you in a state of stagnancy.
When you begin to gain clarity in your life you will begin to raise the bar. But first it is important that you become aware of why you have settled for less. Below are five reasons to help you understand why you are settling for less in your life .
1) Fear. Many times we settle for less because of fear. We fear the unknown so we choose to stay in our comfort zone. However, nothing extraordinary ever grows from a comfort zone. So, it is important to let the fear go and launch out into the unknown. Life happens outside your comfort zone.
2) Uncertainty. Another reason we settle for less than we deserve is because we are unsure about what we want. If you are struggling with knowing what you want in your life it may be time to explore life. Exploring life will help you discover the things you may want in your life. When you go through a period of self-discovery it will expose you to the world. Each life experience we help you gain clarity on the life you truly want to live.
3) Impatience. When you are impatient it can make you miss out on your greatest life. Many people settle for less because they are too impatient to wait for what they really want in life. When you wait patiently for what you really want you alleviate unnecessary stress. So, wait patiently for what you want!
4) Not Knowing Your Worth. If you do not know your worth you will settle for the wrong things. If you do not spend time to build your self-worth, self-love, self-confidence and self-esteem you will discount your worth. I have learned in my life that people will treat you how you treat yourself. It is important to nurture love and confidence within yourself so you can recognize your worth.
5) Mediocrity. The last reason we settle in life because we become okay with mediocrity. We become comfortable with just existing instead of living a life to our fullest potential. Mediocrity keeps you stagnant and it creates procrastination. You will never be fulfilled with a mediocre life. So, let go of mediocrity so you can grab hold to an extraordinary life.
Action Tip: This week take some time to focus on how you can stop settling in your life by putting one of the five reasons into practice.
In the comments below share with me the reasons you have settled for less in your life.
The greatest feeling on Earth is making a promise to yourself and being adamant about showing up for yourself. It is never good to make promises to everyone else yet, break the promises you make to yourself. I have experienced so much in my 38 years on Earth but the biggest lesson I have learned is to show up for myself.
I remember how I would constantly break commitments to myself. I became sick and tired of putting myself, my ideas and my desires on the back burner. I treated myself like a welcome mat and things had to change. I had to dig deep within to work on my personal issues. I didn’t want to feel like the piece of yucky gum stuck on the bottom of everyone’s shoe anymore. I wanted to be the Louboutin!
In order to be the Louboutin I had to level up and work on my inner issues. I had to learn how to love, respect, honor and appreciate myself. In my journey I gained self-confidence and self-worth. Everyday, I have to be intentional about showing up for myself. I have learned that being intentional creates transformation in your life.
So, I encourage you today to get rid of your flip-flop mentality for your life and embrace the Louboutin way of life!
How will you start showing up for yourself today? Share your answers in the comment section…..
For the last seven years of my existence I have literally only existed since I finished my nine years in the United States Navy. I have transitioned through a lot of personal pains and obstacles that help me shape a better me. In the last seven years I had to face a death of a child, living in a city where I was not happy and most of all dealing with demons from my past. In spite of all negatives God was developing me so I could become a perfect positive picture of healing.
Everything I may have endured in this desolate place help me become authentic. God use my wilderness experience as a time to purge me, strip me and identify the real me. The process was painful but each negative continued to develop a more posed, elegant & confident woman I have become. In the last stretch of my seven year journey I am facing the demon of my past…..my rape! Eighteen years ago I was raped and I never confronted the pain or lowness I felt about myself.
However, 2015 I said no more to torment & decided to seek out therapy to find my self-worth. This has been a challenge for me because I am learning self-confidence, self-value & most of all self-preservation. I am now inspired to fill my cup until it runs over.
My re-emergence will change the game because the girl you knew no longer exist I am reemerging not only as a woman full of her worth but I am a Queen that no longer is scared to shine.
I recognize my diamond quality and no longer can allow anyone to taint my shine!
I care about me.
And I will take care of me.
I can not give & give only to be empty…..Those days are long gone!
I charge you to reemerge in a different way in 2016 & fill your cup!