New Book Project: 28 Days of Love…

What is self-love?

I believe self-love is not a fluffy concept to promote narcissistic or selfish behavior. However, self-love is the medicinal antidote to healing our feelings of low self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem. It allows us to dive into our internal wounds to bring ourselves back to wholeness.

My Journey…

In 2011, my life was at a crossroads. I found myself searching for worthiness, love, and confidence. After enduring multiple hardships and tragedies, I knew something needed to change. And the change that I needed was love. 

As I began this self-love journey, it became a sustaining root to heal my inner traumas and wounds. And now, I am sharing my journey in this 28-day transformative book.

What is the significance of the title?

28 Days of Love: A Self-Love Journey idea began in February 2011 when I celebrated love for the whole month instead of limiting it to one day. Now, this personal tradition is something I do for myself and my daughter every year. 

When will the book be available for purchase?

Available Now: https://tinyurl.com/2p9f956a

Where will I be able to buy it?

You will be able to purchase this book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and everywhere books are sold. You will also be able to purchase a copy on my blog and other personal sites.

Will you have any book signings and where?

At a later date this information will be announced.

Show Up For Yourself

The greatest feeling on Earth is making a promise to yourself and being adamant about showing up for yourself. It is never good to make promises to everyone else yet, break the promises you make to yourself. I have experienced so much in my 38 years on Earth but the biggest lesson I have learned is to show up for myself.

I remember how I  would constantly break commitments to myself. I became sick and tired of putting myself, my ideas and my desires on the back burner. I treated myself like a welcome mat and things had to change. I had to dig deep within to work on my personal issues. I didn’t want to feel like the piece of yucky gum stuck on the bottom of everyone’s shoe anymore. I wanted to be the Louboutin!

In order to be the Louboutin I had to level up and work on my inner issues. I had to learn how to love, respect, honor and appreciate myself. In my journey I gained self-confidence and self-worth. Everyday, I have to be intentional about showing up for myself. I have learned that being intentional creates transformation in your life.

So, I encourage you today to get rid of your flip-flop mentality for your life and embrace the Louboutin way of life!

How will you start showing up for yourself today? Share your answers in the comment section…..

Self Care Plan: Fill Your Cup

Today, I made a serious commitment to sit down and start my self-care plan. I did the needed research to find the pieces to solidify my self-care goals. When you begin to think about self-care you have to take inventory of all the things that create your own humanity. So, as I began to research  I realized I needed to categorized every aspect of my self-care. 

Your self-care plan can be divided into 6-8 categories such as mental, emotional, physical/wellness, beauty, social/relational (relationships of love & friendship), spiritual, financial and recreational.  Once you begin to create each category then it is time to focus on each specific area. 

Before, I decided to start my self-care journey I wrote a rough draft of each area and my focal points. Self-care is about you filling every empty corner in your mind, body and soul. As I embark on this journey I am excited to take a year or more to focus on what I need so I can no longer have lack in my life. Many times in society we are programmed to believe that taking care of yourself is a selfish act. However, taking care of yourself is the most important act of your life.

I use to feel guilty about doing stuff for myself until I realized other people had no problem with taking from me. I would give and give until I couldn’t give anymore. This became an issue because I was depleting myself. I consistently gave my all to other people which is never a good concept. When you fall into the deception of giving your all then you are allowing yourself to lack. Lack is connected to scarcity and poverty. Abundance is the opposite of this system.

In order to generate abundance you have to fill yourself up until you are overflowing in all areas of your life. Refueling your mind, body and soul is an important criteria in order to be able to help others. Giving back to others first starts with you filling your cup each day. When you can ask yourself “what do I need?”  then you can help someone else because your need is met.

In a world full of humanity we subtract ourselves from the humane part. I do believe if you give to others the Lord will bless you but I also believe in the concept of using wisdom on how to give and the measure to give.

Understand if you never fill your cup or become the first partaker everyone else including yourself will starve. I am tired of starving and being broke so I decided to fill my cup & then in return I can fill everyone else cup around me!  

Me: The RE-Emergence!

For the last seven years of my existence I have literally only existed since I finished my nine years in the United States Navy. I have transitioned through a lot of personal pains and obstacles that help me shape a better me. In the last seven years I had to face a death of a child, living in a city where I was not happy and most of all dealing with demons from my past. In spite of all negatives God was developing me so I could become a perfect positive picture of healing.

Everything I may have endured in this desolate place help me become authentic. God use my wilderness experience as a time to purge me, strip me and identify the real me. The process was painful but each negative continued to develop a more posed, elegant & confident woman I have become. In the last stretch of my seven year journey I am facing the demon of my past…..my rape! Eighteen years ago I was raped and I never confronted the pain or lowness I felt about myself. 

However, 2015 I said no more to torment &  decided to seek out therapy to find my self-worth. This has been a challenge for me because I am learning self-confidence, self-value & most of all self-preservation. I am now inspired to fill my cup until it runs over. 

My re-emergence will change the game because the girl you knew no longer exist I am reemerging not only as a woman full of her worth but I am a Queen that no longer is scared to shine. 

I recognize my diamond quality and no longer can allow anyone to taint my shine!

I matter.

I care about me.

And I will take care of me.

I can not give & give only to be empty…..Those days are long gone!

I charge you to reemerge in a different way in 2016 & fill your cup!

References:

Pictures: Kinu Sloss of Kikeara Image Group

Commit To Yourself

As women we are always prone to help everyone else but we lack in the area of supporting ourselves. We constantly become everything to everyone while our needs, desires and wants shrink in the background. It is important that we reevaluate our priorities and spend the time to recommit back to ourselves. Several years ago I was plagued with the syndrome of people pleasing. I would always assist others in their needs, business projects, problems etc. however, as my light was becoming dimmer I never took the time to fill up. I found myself on E, burnt out and filled with resentment towards people who used me. But I realized it was not their fault because I allowed it. From that point on in my life I began to let go of the leeches, manipulators, users and takers in my life. I made a vow to myself that I was going to become a top priority in my own life. 

If the above scenario sounds quite familiar to you then it is time to make drastic changes in your life. When you do not take the time to commit to yourself to create happiness in your life then you begin to expect others to supply your happiness. The biggest thing I have learned in my life is it’s no ones responsibility to make you happy. Your happiness should always come from within.

If you think about the word commit it literally means to execute or devote. Devoting time to yourself everyday should be an important task for you. During my journey of learning to commit back to my needs, desires & happiness I began to create a yearly contract with myself. In the contract I listed the areas that were lacking & created goals to commit myself back to creating a  better life in those areas.

 You have to find the strength within yourself everyday to make sure you are the top priority in your life. If you are never finding the time to commit or devote time to yourself then your light will die out. The best solution to start the process of committing to yourself is creating boundaries with people. When you set boundaries with those around you it gives you the freedom to take care of you.

Never neglect yourself in the process of being there for others because in actuality you need yourself more than they do. You Matter! 

Restituted Love

I believe love is the most profound emotion that we exude to others. Sometimes we can get the definition of love misconstrued with other things that are not a real representation of love. Love is defined in many aspects but the best definition of love I can gather is according to 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible. We have all had our idea or perspective of what love is or could possibly be, but when you truly experience love you realize what it really is. So many times in my life I believed that I was in love with the different guys who perused in and out my life. However, I had no clue of what love was until I went on a three year journey of learning to love myself.

Loving yourself is the beginning of discovering the power of love because you begin to accept yourself flaws and all. I spent three years understanding why I kept attracting the same type of guys over and over. The underlying problem was simple I did not love myself at all. I compromised my values, standards, beliefs and ideas to accommodate men who had no intentions of loving me for life. I called my journey, my authentic journey due to the fact I was becoming the person I was always destined to be. The real me was submerging from the cocoon of fear I lived in for years. It was time for me to embrace the woman I was supposed to become all along.

 As I began to love myself I gave myself permission to be free.  I was free to unleash the unadulterated me without anyone’s approval. I dismissed myself from the need to please everyone and understood the need to restitute my love.  Instead of giving my love away to men that did not deserve my love I started to repay myself back with love. And in return of restituting my love to myself I attracted love. No longer am I chasing after love instead love found me and I embraced it wholeheartedly. I can truly say I am in love with the man in my life because he pursued me. The thing that took him by surprise was my contentment in being happily single. He told me I did not look thirsty which meant I did not look desperate for love.

We all deserve love and companionship do not deny yourself what you deserve. However, you first have to learn to love the most important person in your world which is You! Take the needed time to restitute yourself with love; take a year off or more to spend time loving you. I promise, you are worth the investment and your greatest return will be attracting someone who loves you with the same passion.

Find time to restitute yourself with love!

 

Picture Reference: http://fit-radiance.com/752/ 

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Coming Into Your Own!

If you never step into your own shadow and become a great illuminating giant you will become lost in other people’s shadow. ~Stylicia A. Bowden~

 

 

As women we are prone to be told what we should look like, how we should think, and how we should dress in a society filled with judgmental views. The world’s view on beauty, fashion and personality is shoved down our throats. We become configured into something we are not and lose the person we are as we try to find our authentic self. We go through life carrying the world on our shoulders constantly running to the rescue, saving everyone else but ourselves. We imitate what we think is right but really is wrong because we have no idea of who we really are as we chase the ghost of acceptance. I, too have been in this dark hole living my life on the terms of what other people thought was best for my life; however, after my youngest daughter’s death in 2007 I was resurrected. The person I thought I was could no longer exist because God was calling me out of the shadows into his marvelous light to be a woman on purpose to fulfill my God given purpose.

It is an exhilarating feeling to come into your own going through the journey of self-love, self-preservation, self-worth and most of all self-acceptance. I use to spend my time explaining every move, every life decision and thought to others as if I truly needed their approval on how to live my life. Nonetheless, in the last four years I have been on many transitional journeys and the current journey I am strolling through is the journey of self-acceptance. I am learning to accept myself for the good, bad and the ugly. For so long, I would punish myself and tell myself I did not deserve happiness, love, joy and peace because of my sins of the past, present or future. Now, I am facing the fear of failure realizing failure is a beautiful thing because it develops who I am supposed to be in life. I am starting to embrace who I am on so many levels breaking the satanical strongholds of self-condemnation.

I am consistently reminded by the spirit of God that I never have to condemn myself because Jesus has already set me free. I am starting to love the skin I am in, in the awe of my brilliant self I revel at the idea knowing God made me extraordinary. I am like no other and cannot be duplicated. I currently understand my life trials, victories, and tribulations are structured to fit me to touch people who need my inner light. So often we hide our light to subject ourselves to hiding behind the spotlight. It was never meant for us to hide the awesomenesswe hold inside to appease others. I am learning to do what is best for me no matter what people think, feel or say I should do I am truly my own woman.

I use to crave validation from others as an act of approval but now I realize people will manipulate who you are to get what they want from you. If you never step into your own shadow and become a great illuminating giant you will become lost in other people’s shadow. I challenge you today and every day of your life to fight the shadow of validation, approval, pleasing others and accommodating others. This season and time for your life is truly for you to embrace and if others do not understand or approve it does not matter because God made this stage of an “extraordinary” life for you! Come Into Your Own….

Picture Reference:
Extracted from http://www.thesleuthjournal.com/people-choose-freedom/#

Embrace Your Curves!

I realized today no matter how old I get every bump, stump, lump

On me I have to appreciate the perfect physical

Structure of me

 It doesn’t matter what people say

Everything about me is beautiful

And it’s okay

It doesn’t matter what I say every part of me

Is beautiful. ~Stylicia, (excerpt from the poem entitled “Beautiful”)~

 

We all have heard of the colloquialism “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” which has meant different things to many people. This colloquialism has been a universal saying for years but yet we still have not gone deeper into the significance of this meaning. Beauty is a diverse subject that is translated through the way we dress, act and behave. No one can put a definite interpretation of what beauty is, not even the Webester Dictionary. For many years in my life I would struggle with my own personal insecurities about my body and it affected the way I viewed my own physical beauty. I believe we all have personal insecurities with the physical structure of our body. Many of us have complained, cried and hidden the parts of the body that made us feel inadequate.

 However, in my authentic journey (especially in this year) I am learning to face my physical insecurities. I have learned the greatest power of beauty is embracing who you are no matter how many physical deficiencies you may have at the time. Some people go to great lengths to get cosmetic surgery done to their body but I believe the work of being insecure has to start from within. The more I dig deeper into my authentic journey I have learn the beauty of getting to the root of my insecurities. When you begin to get to root of the problem you can see the light more clearly.

Last month, I decided I needed to face my physical insecurities about my body so I recommitted myself to the gym and I invested in a personal trainer. If we are not facing our insecurities then they will continue to haunt us and make us feel inadequate. The process has been a slow one but I realize I am the captain of my own physical health, I can sink or swim. I realized how important it is for me to stop making excuses of why my body is the way it is and find a solution to make it better. My personal goal is to invest in my body, soul and mind in order to be a happier person. I know this is another journey I have to partake in but it’s worth it. I understand when I cheat on myself I hurt no one but myself. So today I am embracing my curves, realizing I am not 20 anymore and get my body in shape for where I am now. I cannot go backwards but only move forward.

So, the challenge for you on this day is to look in the mirror be raw and honest with yourself; stop complaining, whining and wondering why your body is not where it should be…It’s time to deal with you insecurities and embrace your curves, work on your deficiencies so you can become more confident in who you are. The time is now to Embrace Your Curves!

Challenge: This month make a list of the body parts you want to work on and get serious about the work. Write up a contract of commitment to have a reminder of what you will commit yourself to for this month.

5 Lessons Learned Through Life, Love & Friendship!

As the year comes to an end I reflect on how much has happen this year in my life. I realize all the things have worked out for the better even when I had no concept of why they happen. I learned valuable lessons from growing in life, loving myself unconditionally and redefining the word friend after a 14 year friendship ended. All of these things made me stronger, wiser and better. Each high and low point in my life challenged me to reevaluate myself, work on my personal issues and move forward. In 2012  I have learned to stop reminiscing on the past, holding on to pain and understand the power of forgiveness. I want to share with you five powerful lessons I have learned on my new journey as I embrace the new me…New Faces, Places & Spaces!

Lessons Learned on Love…

1) Love Yourself First (Unconditionally flaws and all), Forgive Yourself and Heal Yourself
Love is powerful but if you do not know how to love yourself you can never reciprocate that love to someone else totally. This year I have learned to immerse myself into loving myself in all areas of my life mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I have been challenged to take time to get to know what I want, what I like and accomplishing my goals. The most powerful lesson I learned was to stop putting myself on the back burner and learning to put myself on the front row. I found out I deserve the best of everything because I believe in my ability to go farther than I could imagine. I had to realize the only limitation that was holding me back was my mindset and the words I spoke about my life. I know now I am powerful beyond measure and only want to attract those who are positive and moving forward in great strides. 

2) Love Will Find You….
After exiting a four year relationship with a man that was not the one for me I realized love will find you & you do not have to be desperate to find it. The ending of this relationship help me begin my authentic journey helping me understand the reason I attracted the same type of men. It had nothing to do with them but it was me who had to deal with my own inner issues. I have been on my authentic journey for almost 2 yrs now and it has been a great journey. I feel refreshed, renewed and reborn. I can truly say I am a new me and have a new found love for myself. I understand the importance of self love, enjoying being single and creating the life I desire….I have an new attitude about living life which is…I am living life and not waiting to have a man or get married to live life to the fullest!

Lessons Learned on Life

 3) Life is what you create it to be…..
I use to complain and hate where I lived but now I realize you have to make the best out of where you are at. If you are staying in your triangle then your life will remain boring and lifeless. I started to venture out my comfort zone and began to meet new people. I know where I am at is not my permanent place but I might as well have fun living here. Since I have ventured out I have fell in love with so many hidden treasures in the city I live in. It has challenged me to go far and beyond my comfort zone. I am having fun!

Lessons Learned From Friendships….

4) If They Walk Away Let Them Go And Close The Door….
The hardest lesson I learned in 2012 is when you start to change so does the people in your life. I had a 14 year friendship that ended it hurt me to the core but I realized the friendship was no longer the same. Both of us had changed from life circumstances and we were no longer the 19 or 20 yr old girls. We both grew into grown women who had baggage from life that needed to be dumped out. The greatest lesson I learned hurt people hurt people. When two people are wounded there is no way they can help each other. I had to understand where I went wrong with the friendship but in the end I had to let go of the pain and forgive myself in spite of the other party departure. There may have never been a full explanation but just a unfriend button from Facebook but I knew in my heart our life path was taking on different directions. I am learning to be comfortable with people rotating out of my life because we all have a destination to get to in life. As we grow and evolve our circle will also grow and evolve. Forgive, Love & Move Forward!

5) Tolerate and Celebrate….
If you have a friend who is never really happy for your accomplishments and constantly try to degrade you then nine times out of ten this person is jealous. You want to be around people who celebrate you not tolerate you. When you begin to shine then you truly see who really is supporting you. I have learned to reevaluate all my friendships and reposition some friends in my life. I am learning to get to know people for who they really are by discerning their actions, what they say and how they react. I am more open to letting friendships go if they are not mutually beneficial. I realize each friend is for different things in my life but that does not mean they will always be there. Some will stay for a season then when there time is done they will exit the stage. I have came to accept that life is about forward movement and you cannot live in the past but embrace the future head on. In order to get where you are going you have to surround yourself around like-minded people. Positive people are attracted by positive people.

2013 is all about FORWARD MOVEMENT for me, no looking back but forgiving and closing the doors to the past of 2012 and embracing 2013 with newer expectations!

Data Dump:Mental Detox 101 (10 Lessons Learned)

I think therefore I am. ~Rene Descartes~

Recently I decided to do a 10 day mental detox, I had no idea how the journey would go but I knew my end result would be self fulfilling and rewarding. I planned to be in total solitary confinement with no music, only business related phone conversations, no TV, no social media, prayer, meditation & reading positive or inspirational literature. I learned alot about the power of self-love, self-appreciation, dumping out the negative things in my mental thought process, speaking affirmations over my life and being unapologetic about loving myself unconditionally. Below are 10 important lessons I learned about myself and about my mental capacity.

Here are 10 lessons from my mental detox 101:

1)   Dump The Data. The first day I spent time writing down all my self defeating thoughts. So I begin to pour those negative thoughts, concepts and ideas on paper. I purge myself of all the negative things I thought about my future, my goals and about myself.

2) Refresh. I decide to let the negative thoughts go the second day and I hit refresh on my brain. It was time for my computerized mentality to have a blank motherboard. It was time for new data, installing new R.A.M (Random Access To New Memory).

3) Power of Appreciation.  I realized how much I was starving the appreciation I needed to have for myself. I was constantly waiting for friends and insignificant people to appreciate me but I realize I needed to appreciate myself first. It made me realize how special my gift, talent, skill is to the world and I should not give it away for free. It helped me understand to do special things for myself by myself. Those special events & places I deserve to be the first person to experience them alone (my own personal joys). 

4) Power of Investment. If I don’t invest in my greatness how can I attract sowers to sow into my greatness. I am committed to always investing in myself for self improvement mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. No more limitations!

5) Self Love Movement: Self love is a powerful love. Until love is oozing from my pores, this self love journey will never end. Loving myself unconditionally unapologetically! 

6) Purify Me. Stop entertaining negative, toxic things that will easily imprint into my brain. I have to stay mentally clean!

7) Hit Delete. Some mental disruptions are insignificant to  put your  focus on, so weed out the weeds killing your seeds of growth.

8) Let It Flow. Surrounded by so much positivity helped me attract other positive forces like a magnet. When you are mentally positive, positive words flow easily. 

9) Be Fearless. There is no more room for fear I was reminded how being fearless is apart of my physical makeup. I lived in different countries by myself while stationed in the military where fear was never apart of life. I realized how being comfortable is boring, its time to live life on edge again. Adrenaline Rush!

10) Shaking It Up. Shaking up your world with “new” things provokes a change in your mind. It opens your mind to new exciting things. It will help your creativity flow. 

P.S. My mental detox is something I can not afford to do but it is something I committed to do for every month. The first three days of every month I will be in solitary mental confinement. 

So, now I challenge you to take time to do your own Data Dump!