10 Ways To Embrace A Softer Lifestyle

Autumn is always a lovely time to slow down, catch up on rest, read your favorite books, sip tea, and maybe watch your favorite horror movies. However, many of us need to utilize the changing of the four seasons smartly; we find ourselves in speed mode from the beginning to the end of the year. And it often leads to burnout, bitterness, exhaustion, and many other unpleasant things.

Since August, I have been undergoing changes to incorporate a softer lifestyle and define what this means for me. I realize a soft life is all about making different choices to disconnect, detach, and discover new things. The soft life journey has challenged me to release the social media concept and create my idea of what it means.

Below are ten ways you can incorporate a soft lifestyle in your daily life.

1. Disconnect. Sometimes it is better to disconnect from people, places and things that don’t serve your life. If a person, place or environment triggers your personal growth do yourself a favor and say goodbye.
2. Detach. You can still love from a distance while keeping your peace. I have learned that the best way to love others sometimes means staying in your own lane.
3. Discover. Find new place, spaces and faces that connect with who you are now, sometimes growth can be challenging but it feels better when you are around a tribe that supports your higher self.
4. Decide. Most of the time you are only one decision away from choosing the life you desire. Don’t let fear get in the way, take that leap of faith.
5. Delegate. We were not meant to do everything so ask for help or pay someone else to lift the load.
6. Desire. Implement more fun & pleasure in your life.
7. Do’s. Do what you love and want to do.
8. Don’ts. Don’t put limits on yourself, don’t let other’s opinions hinder your journey and don’t try to please others.
9. Dreams. Pursue your dreams and put forth action.
10. Define. You get to create your definition of what a soft lifestyle looks like for you.

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Cultivating A Sacred Space….

During this summer, I had time to press pause and learn to create a sacred space  for myself. In my 60 day journey I became aware of my depletion because  I was giving to others on an empty tank.  I felt like I was not enough or what I was doing was not enough. In a society where we pour out so much of our energy to our jobs, family and friends we have to create time to replenish ourselves.

In my  search for a better solution I was hit with the idea that who I am is enough. I had to give up the need for validation from outside sources. In reality, God was the only approving source I needed to accomplish everything in my life. He already approved of me so I no longer needed to ask for permission to be the woman I was meant to be.

I realized I needed to cultivate a sacred space to allow myself to be me. I had to let go of my self-sabotaging nature and embrace my freedom. When I searched for  clarity I knew I was the one getting in my own way. I had to reclaim my time, walk into my freedom and protect my space. This was the ultimate shift I needed in my life to receive all the  great things I deserved.

So, below I have three tips that can help you cultivate a sacred space to up level in your life.

1) Reclaim Your Time. In order  for you to gain clarity you have to stop what you are doing and make a u-turn. Go back to a point in your life where you felt fulfilled and then reassess what made you feel this way. Now think of a time in your life where you began to feel unfulfilled and you felt depleted. Think about what you were doing to create these feelings of emptiness. Reclaiming your time is about going back and pinpointing the day or moment you began to lose pieces of yourself.

2) Protect Your Space. You do not need to create a PSA for everyone to know every detail happening in your life. The greatest thing to do is be silent and figure out what is really meant for you to keep secrete. I am learning everything I endure is not always meant for me to share.

I find joy in creating special moments for myself without documenting them or discussing them with friends and family. This will help you keep intimate thoughts and moments to yourself. Another suggestion is buy a journal to release your thoughts, whether good or bad there will be no judgment because you have left your thoughts on paper.

3) Walk into your freedom. The greatest way to be free is to already know you are free. Create a time & space for yourself where you are free to do what you want without any other obligations.

Picking up a hobby that is fun will give you the freedom to focus on time just for you. It will allow you to create a space to let go and dive into your creativity.

How can you create a sacred space to regain your power back? And which tip will you work on this week.

Share your thoughts below in the comment section!

 

September Theme: Transition, Transformation & Transcend!

We are back from our illustrious break and now it’s time to give you more power packed articles to keep you inspired to live a bold, loud and authentic life. This month is entitled Transition, Transformation & Transcend. In this series we will give you tips on how to transition through rough times in your life, how to allow your transition to be a time for wonderful transformations and rising above it all.

Coming Into Your Own!

If you never step into your own shadow and become a great illuminating giant you will become lost in other people’s shadow. ~Stylicia A. Bowden~

 

 

As women we are prone to be told what we should look like, how we should think, and how we should dress in a society filled with judgmental views. The world’s view on beauty, fashion and personality is shoved down our throats. We become configured into something we are not and lose the person we are as we try to find our authentic self. We go through life carrying the world on our shoulders constantly running to the rescue, saving everyone else but ourselves. We imitate what we think is right but really is wrong because we have no idea of who we really are as we chase the ghost of acceptance. I, too have been in this dark hole living my life on the terms of what other people thought was best for my life; however, after my youngest daughter’s death in 2007 I was resurrected. The person I thought I was could no longer exist because God was calling me out of the shadows into his marvelous light to be a woman on purpose to fulfill my God given purpose.

It is an exhilarating feeling to come into your own going through the journey of self-love, self-preservation, self-worth and most of all self-acceptance. I use to spend my time explaining every move, every life decision and thought to others as if I truly needed their approval on how to live my life. Nonetheless, in the last four years I have been on many transitional journeys and the current journey I am strolling through is the journey of self-acceptance. I am learning to accept myself for the good, bad and the ugly. For so long, I would punish myself and tell myself I did not deserve happiness, love, joy and peace because of my sins of the past, present or future. Now, I am facing the fear of failure realizing failure is a beautiful thing because it develops who I am supposed to be in life. I am starting to embrace who I am on so many levels breaking the satanical strongholds of self-condemnation.

I am consistently reminded by the spirit of God that I never have to condemn myself because Jesus has already set me free. I am starting to love the skin I am in, in the awe of my brilliant self I revel at the idea knowing God made me extraordinary. I am like no other and cannot be duplicated. I currently understand my life trials, victories, and tribulations are structured to fit me to touch people who need my inner light. So often we hide our light to subject ourselves to hiding behind the spotlight. It was never meant for us to hide the awesomenesswe hold inside to appease others. I am learning to do what is best for me no matter what people think, feel or say I should do I am truly my own woman.

I use to crave validation from others as an act of approval but now I realize people will manipulate who you are to get what they want from you. If you never step into your own shadow and become a great illuminating giant you will become lost in other people’s shadow. I challenge you today and every day of your life to fight the shadow of validation, approval, pleasing others and accommodating others. This season and time for your life is truly for you to embrace and if others do not understand or approve it does not matter because God made this stage of an “extraordinary” life for you! Come Into Your Own….

Picture Reference:
Extracted from http://www.thesleuthjournal.com/people-choose-freedom/#

This Girl Is On Fire!

“Becoming my new self, some people didn’t understand me anymore. Some people who I knew for years—we couldn’t be on the same page anymore. That’s OK because that’s part of growing, too. The hardest thing is to trust yourself, to know that what you’re feeling is valid. A lot of times we dismiss our feelings. I realized that I can trust myself and say, ‘No, I’m not comfortable with that.’ That was the toughest part. When I finally had the bravery to do that, that’s when I started to feel on fire.” ~Alicia Keys (intercept from Complex Mag Interview Nov 13, 2012)

I remember clear as day when I first became a fan of Alicia Keys it was while I was stationed in Jacksonville, Florida. I heard her first hit song Fallin’ off her debut album Songs in A Minor, her vocals and talent blew me away. It was refreshing to hear a woman singer who sung about positive things and showcased women in a positive manner. In all her videos Keys always kept it classy and I truly respect her for that. She has changed throughout the years but I can truly say I have changed with her in her musical journey. I can honestly say I own every album from Song in A Minor to The Element of Freedom. When I first heard Girl On Fire I realized there was a new Alicia emerging from a new place. I did not automatically love it but because I am a fan I was urged to read the lyrics to the song. Once I read the lyrics to the song I became a fan of this song because I could relate to the words she bellowed out. Girl On Fire is a true testament of my journey into a brand new me and embracing the new person I am right now. Alicia Keys new album is entitled “Girl On Fire” with two hit songs already New Day (which is my favorite song thus far) and Girl on Fire. Girl On Fire is so motivating to me because after losing my two year old daughter five years ago a new me was emerging from the pain, bitterness, anger and so many other embedded emotions. Through this life altering event I was faced to deal with my personal issues from passiveness, mental & emotional abuse, self neglect, toxic relationships, growing apart in friendships and so much more. The song is a true testament of my evolution and embracing a better me, a whole new me on a whole new level. Although I have changed I refuse to let anyone put me back in the box, I am striving to stay on fire for what I want to accomplish in life. I stop making excuses and start making things happen in my life to me that is the true definition of a Girl On Fire. I even had to add this song to my morning inspirational list because when the world sometimes get too surreal I have to be reminded that the road may be lonely but I will stay on fire for all that I am setting my mind to accomplish while I am still on this Earth. Alicia Keys is truly a Girl On Fire who is not scared to grow, fly and leave some things behind. After reading the interview from  Complex magazine I became more of a fan because she really explained where she is in her life and how being the new her is refreshing. She also talked about the graduation from a girl to a woman which I can relate to that on all levels (LOL). I have been a girl trapped for a long time but when I turned 30 the woman in me started to emerge I started to focus on nurturing myself more and taking care of me. I no longer put myself on the back burner but started to feel comfortable in my skin. I really started living and stop taking life for granted. I had to step back, reflect and meditate on where I want to go and what I wanted to do; in this redefining moment I could relate to being a Girl On Fire who now has became a woman on fire!

Here is a couple of quote commentary from Alicia Keys interview with Complex Magazine interview (November 13, 2012) that stood out to me:

It’s not a departure. It’s growth. I love the way that I’ve been able to go deeper into my lyrics and my songwriting and go to a place I was too afraid to access before.

Because I started so young, so much of my life has been like catching up to myself—or trying to run underneath myself so I’m not falling. I finally stepped back and was able to look at it all and say ‘Wow.’ No complaints. I’m glad to be where I am and have this life. But it could be different. I don’t want to have the type of life where I’m not living or I’m always working or always fitting into whatever perfect box. I don’t want that type of hectic life. I don’t want people in my life that encourage that in any way. I’m not my old self anymore.

Becoming my new self, some people didn’t understand me anymore. Some people who I knew for years—we couldn’t be on the same page anymore. That’s OK because that’s part of growing, too. The hardest thing is to trust yourself, to know that what you’re feeling is valid. A lot of times we dismiss our feelings. I realized that I can trust myself and say, ‘No, I’m not comfortable with that.’ That was the toughest part. When I finally had the bravery to do that, that’s when I started to feel on fire.

The whole freaking world is looking at your [stuff]. It’s scary. I didn’t want to say every single thing because you don’t want people to know that. There’s personal and there’s public, and I deserve the right to have a personal space.

References: Kenner, R. (2012, November 13). Retrieved from Complex: http://www.complex.com/music/2012/11/alicia-keys-december-2012-january-2013-cover-story/page/2

5 Lessons Learned Through Life, Love & Friendship!

As the year comes to an end I reflect on how much has happen this year in my life. I realize all the things have worked out for the better even when I had no concept of why they happen. I learned valuable lessons from growing in life, loving myself unconditionally and redefining the word friend after a 14 year friendship ended. All of these things made me stronger, wiser and better. Each high and low point in my life challenged me to reevaluate myself, work on my personal issues and move forward. In 2012  I have learned to stop reminiscing on the past, holding on to pain and understand the power of forgiveness. I want to share with you five powerful lessons I have learned on my new journey as I embrace the new me…New Faces, Places & Spaces!

Lessons Learned on Love…

1) Love Yourself First (Unconditionally flaws and all), Forgive Yourself and Heal Yourself
Love is powerful but if you do not know how to love yourself you can never reciprocate that love to someone else totally. This year I have learned to immerse myself into loving myself in all areas of my life mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I have been challenged to take time to get to know what I want, what I like and accomplishing my goals. The most powerful lesson I learned was to stop putting myself on the back burner and learning to put myself on the front row. I found out I deserve the best of everything because I believe in my ability to go farther than I could imagine. I had to realize the only limitation that was holding me back was my mindset and the words I spoke about my life. I know now I am powerful beyond measure and only want to attract those who are positive and moving forward in great strides. 

2) Love Will Find You….
After exiting a four year relationship with a man that was not the one for me I realized love will find you & you do not have to be desperate to find it. The ending of this relationship help me begin my authentic journey helping me understand the reason I attracted the same type of men. It had nothing to do with them but it was me who had to deal with my own inner issues. I have been on my authentic journey for almost 2 yrs now and it has been a great journey. I feel refreshed, renewed and reborn. I can truly say I am a new me and have a new found love for myself. I understand the importance of self love, enjoying being single and creating the life I desire….I have an new attitude about living life which is…I am living life and not waiting to have a man or get married to live life to the fullest!

Lessons Learned on Life

 3) Life is what you create it to be…..
I use to complain and hate where I lived but now I realize you have to make the best out of where you are at. If you are staying in your triangle then your life will remain boring and lifeless. I started to venture out my comfort zone and began to meet new people. I know where I am at is not my permanent place but I might as well have fun living here. Since I have ventured out I have fell in love with so many hidden treasures in the city I live in. It has challenged me to go far and beyond my comfort zone. I am having fun!

Lessons Learned From Friendships….

4) If They Walk Away Let Them Go And Close The Door….
The hardest lesson I learned in 2012 is when you start to change so does the people in your life. I had a 14 year friendship that ended it hurt me to the core but I realized the friendship was no longer the same. Both of us had changed from life circumstances and we were no longer the 19 or 20 yr old girls. We both grew into grown women who had baggage from life that needed to be dumped out. The greatest lesson I learned hurt people hurt people. When two people are wounded there is no way they can help each other. I had to understand where I went wrong with the friendship but in the end I had to let go of the pain and forgive myself in spite of the other party departure. There may have never been a full explanation but just a unfriend button from Facebook but I knew in my heart our life path was taking on different directions. I am learning to be comfortable with people rotating out of my life because we all have a destination to get to in life. As we grow and evolve our circle will also grow and evolve. Forgive, Love & Move Forward!

5) Tolerate and Celebrate….
If you have a friend who is never really happy for your accomplishments and constantly try to degrade you then nine times out of ten this person is jealous. You want to be around people who celebrate you not tolerate you. When you begin to shine then you truly see who really is supporting you. I have learned to reevaluate all my friendships and reposition some friends in my life. I am learning to get to know people for who they really are by discerning their actions, what they say and how they react. I am more open to letting friendships go if they are not mutually beneficial. I realize each friend is for different things in my life but that does not mean they will always be there. Some will stay for a season then when there time is done they will exit the stage. I have came to accept that life is about forward movement and you cannot live in the past but embrace the future head on. In order to get where you are going you have to surround yourself around like-minded people. Positive people are attracted by positive people.

2013 is all about FORWARD MOVEMENT for me, no looking back but forgiving and closing the doors to the past of 2012 and embracing 2013 with newer expectations!