Single & Not Settling…..

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. ~Oscar Wilde~

You can access this podcast episode here: https://youtu.be/RnfoVM_SBFo

Since the pandemic, things around us have been shaken and torn apart. Many of us are still trying to adjust to the is new normal and life in 2021. However, if you are single in this time of unusual happenings, life has forced you to deal with the reality of being single. As technology evolves, being single doesn’t have to be an option, especially with multiple dating apps at your fingertips. But why is being single deemed a bad thing?

I believe when you are single, you have space and time to get to heal your inner wounds, get to know yourself, and the freedom to explore the world. Over the years, I have learned to be comfortable with the concept of being single and redefine what it means to me. After my last relationship, I had to regain the confidence of understanding that singlehood is a choice, not a life sentence. 

I spent years of my life wasting time chasing men and not realizing I am the treasure due to my lack of self-worth and self-love. In my relationships, I was desperate to prove my worthiness to a man so he could choose me as his one and only. But as time passed, I realize I was attracting the same man with a different name because of the things I was not facing within myself.

I think it is paramount to define your own meaning of being single instead of taking on the societal stigmas of the definition of singleness. During February, I have made a tradition to celebrate the entire month with self-love, self-care, and appreciation for the love I have for myself and my daughter. I have called this yearly tradition “28 days of love”, doing this has given me a greater perspective on love and Valentine’s Day.

Now in this new skin, I am in, I embrace being single because I know it is a choice at the moment; however, it doesn’t mean this season is forever. I often feel many women settle in love, life, and everything in between because they are trying to reach a finite goal. As a single woman in her 40’s, I believe I am just getting started in life. It is restrictive to think being married, having kids, and having a white picket fence is the only goal I should strive for in life.  

Recently, I decided to reclaim my time and power on the term single. I simply define my singleness as a time of contentment, fun & exploration.

Below I am giving you five ways how to redefine your singleness and let go of the idea of settling for less than what you deserve.

1. Date yourself first. Since you will be with yourself for the rest of your life, your single time is the best time to get to know what you like or don’t like. 
2. Be alone, not lonely.  Embrace the idea of solitude and enjoying your own company. Being alone and loneliness are two different things. Many people are in marriages and romantic relationships and feel lonely.
3. Stop waiting to live your life.  Now is the time to live; you don’t have to wait until you are married or in a relationship to create a life. 
4. Stop obsessing about finding the one.  I believe women are the treasure, and it is not our job to chase or convince a man that we are worthy of being in his life. When you focus on yourself and create a life you love, you will attract love.
5. Embrace the season you are in. Instead of wishing for a different season of your life, embrace the present moment.

Here are a couple things to help you embrace your single season:

• Single AF Spotify Playlist: https://tinyurl.com/ps4l495g
• Put on Your Crown by Queen Latifah: https://tinyurl.com/rlu6kpbt
• Fearless & Fabulous by Cara Alwill: https://tinyurl.com/ykmmpfsa
• Sparkle by Cara Alwill: https://tinyurl.com/1detam0t

5 Reasons Why You Are Settling!

I believe there has been times in your life where you settled for less. Settling in any area of your life can be detrimental to your growth. Settling is synonymous to mediocrity and will keep you in a state of stagnancy.

When you begin to gain clarity in your life you will begin to raise the bar. But first it is important that you become  aware of why you have settled for less. Below are five reasons to help you understand why you are settling for less in your life .

1) Fear. Many times we settle for less because of fear. We fear the unknown so we choose to stay in our comfort zone. However, nothing extraordinary ever grows from a comfort zone. So, it is important to let the fear go and launch out into the unknown. Life happens outside your comfort zone.

2) Uncertainty. Another reason we settle for less than we deserve is because we are unsure about what we want. If you are struggling with knowing what you want in your life it may be time to explore life. Exploring life will help you discover the things you may want in your life. When you go through a period of self-discovery it will expose you to the world. Each life experience we help you gain clarity on the  life you truly want to live.

3) Impatience. When you are impatient it can make you miss out on your greatest life. Many people settle for less because they are too impatient to wait for what they really want in life. When you wait patiently for what you really want you alleviate  unnecessary stress. So, wait patiently for what you want!

4) Not Knowing Your Worth. If you do not know your worth you will settle for the wrong things. If you do not spend time to build your self-worth, self-love, self-confidence and self-esteem you will discount your worth. I have learned in my life that people will treat you how you treat yourself. It is important to nurture love and confidence within yourself so you can recognize your worth.

5) Mediocrity. The last reason we settle in life because we become okay with mediocrity. We become comfortable with just existing instead of living a life to our fullest potential. Mediocrity keeps you stagnant and it creates procrastination.  You will never be fulfilled with a mediocre life. So, let go of mediocrity so you can grab hold to an extraordinary life.

Action Tip: This week take some time to focus on how you can stop settling in your life by putting one of the five reasons into practice.

In the comments below share with me the reasons you have settled for less in your life.