I believe self-love is not a fluffy concept to promote narcissistic or selfish behavior. However, self-love is the medicinal antidote to healing our feelings of low self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem. It allows us to dive into our internal wounds to bring ourselves back to wholeness.
In 2011, my life was at a crossroads. I found myself searching for worthiness, love, and confidence. After enduring multiple hardships and tragedies, I knew something needed to change. And the change that I needed was love.
As I began this self-love journey, it became a sustaining root to heal my inner traumas and wounds. And now, I am sharing my journey in this 28-day transformative book.
What is the significance of the title?
28 Days of Love: A Self-Love Journey idea began in February 2011 when I celebrated love for the whole month instead of limiting it to one day. Now, this personal tradition is something I do for myself and my daughter every year.
The essential thing I have learned in my life is when a person is insecure, they will use words of discouragement to tear down your confidence. When I wasn’t aware of my dopeness, I would minimize my greatness to make others feel more important, but deep inside, I was suffering. My suffering led to people-pleasing, self-sabotage, and not feeling worthy or enough.
When I began to cultivate self-worth, let go of self-sabotaging behaviors and flow into a self-confident version of myself, others became threatened. I was no longer dimming my light for them to feel better about themselves. I decided to love myself, face my inner issues and let go of my insecurities.
However, I believe we all have to face the ugly mask of insecurity in our lives, but when these inner issues are unchecked, it creates self-misery. I have learned over the last year that insecure women are fixated on being accepted and validated by others. Their greatest fear is not being liked, so they migrate to the people-pleasing lane, and when another woman radiates confidence, she will spew words of hate to disempower another woman.
Although friendships have withered away, I understand that losing myself is no longer an option. Trusting your dopeness means walking in your confidence and being unapologetic about who you are.
Here are a couple ways you can embrace being “that girl” and exercise your dopeness.
Be Authentic: Know who you are, walk in your power and maximize your voice.
Be Unapologetic: God created you to be the best verison of yourself even when others don’t embrace you.
Be Around People Who Want To See You Win: When you are around people who want to see you win then, the conversations are different. Make sure you let go of toxic connections in your life (heal from toxicity).
What do you currently believe about yourself and who you are in this moment? Do you feel like you are lacking in some areas when it comes to your personality?
If you answered YES to any of the above questions, don’t feel ashamed, I think we all believed in the lie of not being enough. The plague of not feeling enough has haunted me throughout my life. I would constantly recycle negative self-talk, abusive words from others, and societal standards. However, as I began to uncover this faulty belief system about myself, I realize the root of it all stemmed from low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and other underlining issues.
In 2011, I went on an inner journey of self-exploration and self-discovery to confront dysfunctional beliefs about myself and my life. And what I found was a wounded young lady who needed to know that her past didn’t define her worth. It has been ten years since the journey has helped me evolve into a confident, self-assured woman where the notion of not being enough is no longer a part of my storyline.
The truth is that we all are enough in this world, and when we start believing in this idea, we can live a more fulfilled life. When you accept the idea that you lack something within, you run the risk of living a suppressed life. With a suppress mindset, we eventually generate the chase concept; you will chase people, dreams, goals, money, success, etc. to feel accepted and validated by external forces.
When you begin to know who you are and your worth, you become a threat to those who lavish in their insecurities. You must confront your insecurities every day (because it is a daily thing). And to be clear, it is okay to have insecurities because they make us imperfect and vulnerable. Insecurities become ugly when we lash out or use hurtful words against others.
Below are three ways you can say bye bye to the belief of not enough.
Let Go. Say Au revoir to anybody or anything that make you feel like you are too much.
Dig Deep. Uncover all the crazy beliefs that has hindered your self-worth story.
Heal. Allow yourself a time to heal from the past of unforgiveness (forgive yourself), trauma and anything that has kept you hostage to the lie of not being enough .
When you think of the words “losing the weight” I am sure a flood of ideas come to your mind. These three words can be interpreted in various ways but, for me losing the weight has been my 2018 journey. In the last five months I have found myself lost in translation, no longer identifying with my old system of beliefs but embracing new beliefs. The things I allowed to define me no longer could fit into my new belief system.
Fear was a weight that held me back from living my best life. Once I began to lose the weight of fear I began to see my life unfold. When you allow fear to run your life you stay in a comfort zone. And you know nothing brilliant or great grows from comfort zones.
Below is a few ideas to help you lose the weight of fear:
1. Do It Afraid. In order to face your fears you have to be brave enough to do it in the midst of your fear.
2. Assess Your Beliefs. More than likely what you fear is not supported by truth or fact so let it go and collect new data. F.E.A.R is False Evidence Appearing Real!
3. Feed Faith, Starve Fears. In order to weaken the hold of fear you have to be willing to starve it and feed your life with faith which creates confidence.
4. Rock Confidence. Fear can’t reside where confidence overrides. In order to fear-less you have to believe in yourself. Confidence gives you the faith to conquer fear.
So, which idea will you use this week to help you lose the weight of fear. Comment below in the comment section…
I believe there has been times in your life where you settled for less. Settling in any area of your life can be detrimental to your growth. Settling is synonymous to mediocrity and will keep you in a state of stagnancy.
When you begin to gain clarity in your life you will begin to raise the bar. But first it is important that you become aware of why you have settled for less. Below are five reasons to help you understand why you are settling for less in your life .
1) Fear. Many times we settle for less because of fear. We fear the unknown so we choose to stay in our comfort zone. However, nothing extraordinary ever grows from a comfort zone. So, it is important to let the fear go and launch out into the unknown. Life happens outside your comfort zone.
2) Uncertainty. Another reason we settle for less than we deserve is because we are unsure about what we want. If you are struggling with knowing what you want in your life it may be time to explore life. Exploring life will help you discover the things you may want in your life. When you go through a period of self-discovery it will expose you to the world. Each life experience we help you gain clarity on the life you truly want to live.
3) Impatience. When you are impatient it can make you miss out on your greatest life. Many people settle for less because they are too impatient to wait for what they really want in life. When you wait patiently for what you really want you alleviate unnecessary stress. So, wait patiently for what you want!
4) Not Knowing Your Worth. If you do not know your worth you will settle for the wrong things. If you do not spend time to build your self-worth, self-love, self-confidence and self-esteem you will discount your worth. I have learned in my life that people will treat you how you treat yourself. It is important to nurture love and confidence within yourself so you can recognize your worth.
5) Mediocrity. The last reason we settle in life because we become okay with mediocrity. We become comfortable with just existing instead of living a life to our fullest potential. Mediocrity keeps you stagnant and it creates procrastination. You will never be fulfilled with a mediocre life. So, let go of mediocrity so you can grab hold to an extraordinary life.
Action Tip: This week take some time to focus on how you can stop settling in your life by putting one of the five reasons into practice.
In the comments below share with me the reasons you have settled for less in your life.
The greatest feeling on Earth is making a promise to yourself and being adamant about showing up for yourself. It is never good to make promises to everyone else yet, break the promises you make to yourself. I have experienced so much in my 38 years on Earth but the biggest lesson I have learned is to show up for myself.
I remember how I would constantly break commitments to myself. I became sick and tired of putting myself, my ideas and my desires on the back burner. I treated myself like a welcome mat and things had to change. I had to dig deep within to work on my personal issues. I didn’t want to feel like the piece of yucky gum stuck on the bottom of everyone’s shoe anymore. I wanted to be the Louboutin!
In order to be the Louboutin I had to level up and work on my inner issues. I had to learn how to love, respect, honor and appreciate myself. In my journey I gained self-confidence and self-worth. Everyday, I have to be intentional about showing up for myself. I have learned that being intentional creates transformation in your life.
So, I encourage you today to get rid of your flip-flop mentality for your life and embrace the Louboutin way of life!
How will you start showing up for yourself today? Share your answers in the comment section…..
How can you really live a beautiful life? What are you willing to let go in order to gain the life you deserve? What are the keys to living a life based on beauty? Well, you are probably wondering what are the answers to those questions. I can honestly tell you that living a beautiful life begins with cultivating a beautiful mind. In the last month, I have focused on filling my life with beautiful things to see, hear & speak. I have spent time celebrating beauty in a different kind of way.
I decided not to watch, speak or listen to anything that did not display beauty. In this time of beauty I found out that life is a lot more beautiful than what we choose to see, hear or speak. When it comes to living a beautiful life you have to be intentional. If you lack intention you will continue to see, hear and speak about all the things that is wrong with life. As I grow day by day I realize life is what you make it and if you choose to make it miserable then you will be miserable.
Misery loves company, the more you feed it the more it will gain energy. The greatest question you can ask yourself is what am I giving energy to. I found myself in the last couple years giving energy to things that were irrelevant. I made situations bigger than they really were because I invested too much time into over analyzing. I can now honestly say that creating a beautiful life is solely up to each of us. Make a mental inventory of where your your energy is going. Find out if the energy has produced the right fruit you desire in your life. If not, refocus on new things that will serve you in a positive way. Everyone deserves a beautiful life so below are a five tips to help you start your journey.
Below are a couple tips to help you live a beautiful life:
1) Stop over analyzing. I can admit this is one of my huge problems and over analyzing creates problems that were never there. In order to stop over analyzing let go of what you cannot control, stay focus in the present moment and know God is your ultimate source.
2) Be mindful of where your attention goes. Where your attention goes so does the flow of your energy, so be mindful of how you interpret things & react to others.
3) Other people issues are not your emergencies. Yes, you want to be the hero for everyone but you will exhaust yourself trying to be everyone she-ro or hero. Do not let other people emergencies become emergencies in your life.
4) Don’t take it personal. I know this is a hard one but stop taking what people say or do personal. What others say or do are not a direct reflection of what or who you are. What they don’t say or don’t do is still not a reflection of the brilliant person you were called to be. Be confident .
5) Self-Love. Fall in love with who & what you are no matter your flaws. In a perfect world we all are flawless but in the real world our imperfections is what makes us unique.
To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance. ~Oscar Wilde~
P.S. To make your life even more beautiful you can now purchase my eBook to get five essentials tips to help build your self-confidence.